This morning, I woke up with this absolute pit of dread and anxiety in my stomach.
I wrote it off as normal. I’ve been taking a lot of leaps lately, and that’s bound to strike up some fear.
Immediately, I started to berate myself instead. Running through the checklist of what I didn’t do, what I did wrong, and why I’m to blame for all the bad that is going to come.
Today was the second day of my new morning routine that my coach had given me and I was so resistant. I did not want to get up, I did not want to journal, and I did NOT want to confront this feeling I was having.
I didn’t want to do it.
Why should I have to?
So, I avoided it. Told myself I didn’t have to do it.
Until a thought came to mind and I wanted to write it down.
I went and grabbed my Notes journal for different downloads or messages I get. I date the page and then realize, I can’t start writing this down yet.
This isn’t a perfectly divined message that makes me jump up and down, YES!
Not right now at least.
My idea was built on shaky soil.
I hadn’t confronted my anxiety yet, and here I was trying to channel something divine and good?
How in the world would I be able to channel a strong and helpful message if I wasn’t coming from a clear space?
If I still had this deep pit in my stomach?
So then I grabbed another one of my journals, my Burn and Purge journal. Everything I write in this journal, I will burn when I am done.
The first task of my morning routine is supposed to be to write in this journal about anything that is still bothering me when I wake up.
I start writing about feeling anxiety.
Why? Where is my anxiety coming from?
Well, it’s the first of the month and I am thinking about finances again. How am I going to do it? How am I going to make it work this month?
I took some financial leaps too, and I am terrified!
But this morning when I was redoing my calendar, as I was feeling into November, I just knew this month will be a fruitful month.
I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I have no idea how this month will show up for me, and I it.
But I also know it will be a great one.
So why the anxiety?
Is it just because I don’t know how this month will come out? Is it because I don’t know what to do?
Or is it something else?
Before my coach became my coach, she said something that left a big impact on me. “Anxiety isn’t fear of the unknown. It’s seeing something, or not seeing something, that you don’t like.”
When I tapped into the energy of this month, when I tapped into the energy of November, I saw a really fruitful month! I saw myself picking my feet up off the ground and flying.
I felt that I would be taken care of. I felt that my goals would be met. Even months before, when I tried to meet those goals, it didn’t feel it as good as it does now.
And I felt that I won’t know how until I do it.
November feels really great to me.
So what about this is something I don’t like?
What’s not to like about being wildly fruitful and flying through life?!
And I realized, my anxiety is not about what is coming, it’s about not liking the fact that I have to give up control to receive it!
I’m a control freak, and I know I’m not alone in that.
In fact, I come from a whole lineage of control freaks.
And maybe, so do you.
Maybe, you, like me, have been getting sign after sign that things are great. Things are better than you could ever expect, yet you still feel anxious.
Because you don’t like that what you see involves you giving up your control to make it happen.
You don’t like that you can’t see the how, and that gives you anxiety.
So, how can you change what is coming to breathe in a bit of what you are feeling you need?
Control makes us feel like we have a handle on things. It makes us feel safe, secure, and powerful.
Even if we actually aren’t!
Despite how much I have been trying to control things for months since I have been trying to hit this next level of goals, I haven’t gotten anywhere!
I haven’t made progress in the places where I am trying to exercise my control.
Where I have relaxed and let go though?
That stuff is flowing. That stuff is what is pushing me to confront all of this today too.
Where I just surrendered what I want to my support team, it all flowed.
The only thing I get to control, the only thing I have power over IS myself.
My energy, my mindset, my heart.
My ability to hear my messages and honor them.
My ability to follow my intuition and to allow the universe to do the rest.
That is where my power lies.
And that is where your power lies too.
It’s not weak to let the universe step in, to let your guides, your support system, coaches, family, relatives, friends, or whoever step in FOR you.
In fact, it’s powerful, because it’s all about you owning your power, not giving it away.
Tap into this month, see what’s coming up. And, if there is anything that makes you anxious, give yourself time to sit with it. Take on the same homework I have myself and journal about it.
Ask yourself, what do you see? What don’t you like about that vision?
And how can you open yourself up to a new level of surrender to embrace what is coming, not reject it.
Or, if you want to work through this WITH me, with support, love, and my insight, do that. Your gut knows, you know!
I am here for you and can help you through this space.
To a fruitful month full of flying!