As of July 1st, I have lost 18 pounds.
I have woken up early.
I have gotten clear on my goals.
I have accomplished, and manifested, things that I have felt, for a very long time, we’re just simply out of my reach despite the fact that every part of my system, mind, body, and spirit, were calling out for it and everything externally was telling me it’s on the way.
There have been moments where I want to cry.
There have been moments where I wanted to quit.
But I kept going.
Yet, the hardest moments, the hardest steps for me weren’t the first pound, the first work out, the first “nutrition first, taste second” meal, nor was it setting the goals or making them happen. It wasn’t having faith that it was going to all come together, even when I was less than 24 hours away from the deadline I set for myself with only half an idea of how it was all going to come together.
The hardest step was when I was just looking in the mirror, trying to find and muster the self-love I knew I should be having.
Noticing the changes in my body, and proudly saying to myself: I have lost 18 pounds.
Yet I wasn’t really proud at all.
And the little voice in my head pointed that out.
Yeah, you’ve lost 18 pounds. Yeah, you’ve made all of these great changes in your life, business, relationships, dreams, and self, yet you aren’t proud.
I’ve been beating myself up for days about it!
I’ve caught a cold and refused to let myself reschedule appointments or take any more time off than I had too.
I should be in celebration mode!
But I wasn’t proud.
Because I know where I’m heading.
I know that it’s my goal to lose 100 pounds. Not 18.
I know that it’s my goal to do motivational speaking, online courses, having my one on one coaching fully booked, having my body toned.
I know that it’s my goal to never eat an endless bag of candy while laying in bed doing nothing but wasting time on my phone, playing pointless apps, watching pointless videos, and bingeing master chef on Hulu until a reminder pops up saying, you still there?
Yet, where I am right now, where I am today, is not there yet.
I have made huge gains.
But the disparity between where I am today and where I want to be was blocking myself from loving who I am and celebrating myself on this journey.
The hardest step is stopping, seeing that, and loving myself anyways.
Because I run most of my business online, and because I’m only just now branching out into physical communities around me, it has been easy to hide my depression.
My lack of direction, my frustration of failed project after failed project.
My struggles with money.
My 100 pound weight gain.
The loss of mobility in my body. The loss of confidence in myself. The loss of passion with my partner, who despite everything, stuck with me through it all.
Knowing where I was one year ago, everything I’m accomplishing today is a miracle.
All the momentum is shifting and changing, and it is going fast in the direction I want it to.
It’s everything I’ve prayed for, yet for whatever reason, that little voice in my head keeps saying: it’s not enough.
It’s not enough.
I’m not enough.
Yet, I AM.
I AM enough.
And for me, and perhaps for you too, this step in front of me isn’t about another workout, or planning session, or even a business venture, another book, or a conversation with a reader about my life purpose.
It’s about stopping and loving myself right where I am at today.
Because I truly am enough.
I was enough yesterday, and I’ll be enough tomorrow.
Even when the momentum wasn’t going how I wanted it. I was enough.
I’m always enough.
And so are you.
We all are.
The hardest step for me is accepting where I am at and loving myself for it.
The hardest step is recognizing the growth I have accomplished and loving myself for it. Being proud of myself for it.
It wasn’t easy getting here, but I did it. I deserve to be proud of myself.
The hardest step is recognizing that what I’m building right now is even better than where I want to go because what I’m building is the momentum to take me anywhere I want to go and it comes with the greatest gift of all: the gift of the now.
The most important moment in your whole life.
Totally and completely worth enjoying in the now.
Life is about two things, picking the destination you want to go in and enjoying the ride on your way there.
For so long getting the flow, the momentum, and the direction was my biggest challenge, but before I knew it, it all just fell into place.
So now, I get to focus on enjoying the ride.
Not forsaking all I’ve learned when building momentum and direction, but rather trusting in it so that I can dance, sing, play, create, have fun, and just be me along the way.
I like being me!
It’s a very important thing for me to be.
And I like when you are you. It’s a very important thing for you to be too.
And so now, I fill my day with love letters to myself.
I fill my day with pauses in the mirror to say: I’m so proud of you. You are so beautiful.
I fill my day with celebrating the wins of my friends and with them helping me celebrate mine.
I fill my days with more art, more focus on things outside of work, things that just bring me joy for the sake of joy.
I fill my days with permission to sleep in when I need it or to reschedule that class or session if I need it. To spend all day with my boyfriend enjoying our love and connection.
I fill my days with celebration for all that I am, my enoughness, my wholeness, my entire being.
And, I fill my days with a change in focus. It is no longer my goal to have all the things that I would look at and be like, wow, that woman has it going on.
The goals are no longer the house, the body, the relationship, the spirituality, the career.
Those will all still happen of course, but my new focus, my new goal is to be so happy in the now with myself that all of those are an inevitable, and when people look at me, rather then being like ‘how do I get what she has’, I want them to ask, ‘where can I find happiness in my own being, right now?’
Because that is where the true abundance comes from. True bliss. True success.
As above, so below. As within, so without.
If you are so abundantly happy with yourself, with your enoughness, fullness, wholeness, beauty, celebration, and entire being, your outer world can’t help but reflect that back to you.
You won’t need it to, because you are already feeling so good, but it’s a nice inevitability, one worth celebrating too.
Not because of the physical stuff finally showing up, but rather because you feel so good inside that THAT is the reality you manifest.
Kinda awesome, huh?
Let that joy flow!
Want to Work with Me?
If you would like to join me, or if you’d like to allow me to join you, in learning how to celebrate your wins, enjoy the ride, and make great strides each and every day, I would love to work with you!
Or, maybe you’re still in picking the destination and figuring out your momentum, I’m here for that too. And of course, we’ll build enjoying it all right into the structure that you create.
You have a couple options.
- My one-on-one coaching program: Raise Your Vibes. Hands on working with you to help you get clear on your energy, your direction, and how to create the life of your dreams, today, through embracing your wholeness and celebrating every single second you have in your own being! Ooh, la, la!
It’s entirely flexible to fit your needs and includes office hours so even when we’re done with our call, I’m here when you need me.
If this feels like you, click the link above and schedule a discovery call with me and we’ll get on the phone and see how it fits!
- My natal chart readings. Yes, yes I know. I already mentioned in my post above that seeing a reader about my life purpose wasn’t what I needed, but that’s totally not what we have to talk about. For me, that was like beating a dead horse. I already have the information I needed, I just need to now focus on loving myself. But, we can focus on that through these readings too.
We can focus on self-love, and what is so wonderful and worth loving in you. We can focus on the goodness, the enoughness, the wholeness in you that you may not be seeing, and if there are any obstacles standing in your way, we can open the door to understanding them so you can work through them with more ease. Or, whatever it is you do need to talk about.
Feel into it, these are usually best booked when the ‘feeling’ is there. And if it is, you can go here to book.
- Coming Home to You, a monthly group program co-run by me and one of my favorite people and intuitive coach, Jessica Sutter. This is a place where you can dance and be present right where you are, expanding, growing, loving, healing, being, whatever you need.
Each month, we show up and work with one theme that will be relevant to your own world, and we have a reading session, where we pull cards and consult the stars to share any guidance or messages that you may be ready to here.
To join, go here: and then send me an email at email@example.com with your facebook profile so I can add you to the group!
- Lastly, Love Letters to Myself. This is a free group co-run by me and Jessica where you have the space to write a love letter, or any other type of letter, to yourself each and every day. Whatever you need to say, you can say it here, and we will be there to hold, witness, honor, and love you along the way.